Sunday, June 18, 2006

Empty vessels

Sometimes I wonder what the big deal is with we Naija people (especially) and titles. I'm sure most of us have heard about Chief (Dr.) Mrs. Pangolo or is it Otunba Engr. Mr. Lagbaja, GGB, MD, FCN, OMR ... I really do wonder sometimes, haha! Anyway, we were at this Naija fund-raising event last week, for this Yankee-based guy that's going home to run for, i think it's a Senatorial position, or sumtn' like that. The MC was inviting the guests to the high-table. 1st guest, Mr. Lagbaja was invited, they read is biography, we clapped and he sat. 2nd guest was also introduced as Mr. X, same ritual was followed. We were expecting for Mr. X to take his seat on the high-table, he didn't. After clapping for so long, we stopped. The MC sef didn't understand what was going on. Next thing i saw, Mr. X walked up to the MC, took the mic. from him, and then re-introduced himself as "Sir. Chief (Engr.) D.U.M.B Olorinla, J.P, CFR, DDP, LLM bla bla bla." We were stunned!

I believe it's only empty vessels that make so much noise like that. Granted, you did all the hardwork to become an engineer or doctor or whatever u are today. By someone not acknowledging ur achievements doesn't make u less of what u are. So why the fuss about all these titles. Okay, when i become a doctor too, i'll refer to myself as Dr. KokoroEwa, maybe i'll even have an MD 419090 on my license plate, who knows? but i don't think i'll go to the extent of letting everyone know, and forcing 'em to refer to me as Dr. X. I think being humble, is a really cool virtue we all should aspire to.

My girls and i were talking (and NO! We were not gossipping) about Tina. Tina came to the US 3 years ago, to start her Masters in Public Health and to join her hubby, who just graduated from our school, and he's purusing a Ph. D in Medical Microbiology & Immunology. Okay, less than a year that Tina arrived, BAM! she don pregnant. She gave birth to this cutie, a boy. Hubby is in another city that's 3hrs away from Tina. To cut the long story short, Tina took a year off school (turning to 2yrs, 3yrs ...), and is now a house-wife. Of course, hubby is still in school. My girls are of the opinion, that being a house-wife (HW) is a terrible idea. According to them, M & J, why should you go to school, only to end up being a HW. S then reminded us, that there are 2 categories of HW.
1) Those who just stay at home, and depend on hubby for everything, even to buy sanitary wares for their periods.
2) Those who are HW, but still have a little business on the side or work part-time, just to have little change in their pocket.

All along, i was listening to their different views, before adding my own 2 cents. From what i've seen, with my aunt, being a HW or stay-at-home-mom, (in my own dictionary, they're the same) is a job on it's own, and a tough one too. So to all the HW's out there, i doff my hat to una 'cos it's work on it's own, just that u may not be getting paid. The only objection i have, is that what if something happens and Mr. can no longer provide for his family, what then happens? Apart from that, some Mr.'s don't respect their madams, always querying her on how she spent his money, hello??? Remember those wedding vows? Both of you have become one, so it's our money. Saying she's too wasteful, she's too this or that. Of course, i'm not saying one should be wasteful or anything. Even though i'm credited for being prudent, there are times when i go to the store and see these designer shoes on some ridiculous sale, even if i don't need a shoe at the moment, i keep on dreaming about it until i go and buy it the next day, even if i'll drink garri till the next pay check arrives. Most guys can't understand that, of course. Only ladies can relate to this. So if it's my own money, no Mr. can tell me how to spend it, he can only advise. That's the other reason why i'm against being a HW, u've to account for every penny u spend. You know some men can do "yanga" (pose) too much, and they'll start talking like u're a child!

HW or not, i think one still needs to spend time with their kids, 'cos it pays off big time, in the end. I appreciate my mum a lot. When we were growing up, even though she got a job at the bank, and she would have been paid very well, infact too well, she didn't take up the employment. I know it's not practical for all women to do this. Considering the fact, that my dad was always out early and wouldn't get home till late, i think that was what made her fashie the job and it was the right thing to do at the time. She took a job that was flexible enough and paid less than what she would have earned at the bank. Can i make that sacrifice for my own family in future? I honestly don't know what the answer to that is, but methinks it's tilting more towards a no, and a big one at that. That's my thinking for now, but never say never. But i guess that's how the society is now, with women getting more educated and bla bla bla (Lemme not say too much on this, lest i invoke the wrath of some feminists reading this). For the stay-at-home-dads, hmm, i give them BIG PROPS 'cos with all the male ego and stuff, i really do give them a ZILLION PROPS.

Anyway, nothing much has been happening to me. I finally succumbed to taking a prep class for the MCAT. I was trying to do Ijebu before, no offense to my dear Jebusites o (be miserly). The classes don't come cheap, but i pray they'll be worth my while. There are waaaaaaaaay too many distractions, trying to study by myself. "Iro ni esu n pa" ( the devil is a liar) Abegggggggggggiiiiiiii (Please), i'm blaming the devil again. We all blame the devil for every little thing, even when i'm wearing killer heels and almost trip on the stairs, the devil is the culprit. Again, i don't want to study amiss, that's another reason i'm taking the class. I'd have to be incommunicado for a while, at least till i take the exam sometime in August.
Sorry for the incoherence in conveying my thoughts. Reading over, i realized i was jumping from one thing to another. Maybe i'll post sumtin' when i need to take a study break. Till then, remain blessed and highly favored people.


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Anonymous said...

maaan... my cousin is a HW, and what she does is no small feat. You're right, it IS a job in itself.
You had me cracking up at the enpty vessel who went and grabbed the mike! LOL

TaureanMinx said...

Lol eng mr dokita phd pangolo! I would have been on the floor rolling. I wonder often how im going to maintain a career as well as look after my kids when Im so tired after work! I guess maternal instincts will kick in.

Nneka's World said...

HW is another Job on its own.

But in these modern times they are making it easier for you to be a part time HW. So maybe you will be able to do that in the future.

Nigerian and titles, i tire oh!

Adunni said...

Lol @ the guy that grabbed the mike. Thats like a proverb of sorts that i know. It goes "its the big name that kills a small dog". Nigerians and titles na reall wah. O ga.

I'm certain i don't want to be a HW. I'll work and still raise my kids even if it's part time.

aihammed delot said...

that stuff isnt even funny u know...overinflated egos make me sick. whats wrong with being called Mr? na wa for some people oh!

Cherub (former Bijouxoxo) said...

@ Belle: It's truly no small feat. I hope her hubby appreciates her for all she does in making their house a home.

@Tminx: That's one big dilemma i've been facing. I've been wondering too and 2nd guessing, even 3rd guessing myself with this dokita thing i want to do. When i get to that stage in my life sha, God will teach me what to do. Don't mind those Engr Chief (Dr.) Pangolos jare. Some of those doctorates are even honorary, Rubbish!

@Nneka: Yeah that's true, but it's still tasking. With some careers, i really dunno how easy it is to be a part-time HW. Having an understanding husband would help a lot. I know some jobs offer flexibility to new mums and the likes. With technology advancing, house work is quicker and maybe easier, but the 2nd shift still has to be done.

@Adunni: The man just disgraced himself. Humility still pays no matter what. There's no one that can raise your kids, better than you. So go for it girl. I'm willing to do that, even if my career is going to be on hold for a little while, but Mr. hubby had better recognize and appreciate, mehn!

@Aihammed: Abi o, like they weren't Mr's once. When they were born, did they come with any titles. I know it's good to give honor to whom honor is due. Even bible talk am, that he who exalts himself will be humbled and he who humbles himself will be exalted.

Onada said...

Goodluck with your prep class.

i totally agree....being a housewife is a full time job..that deserves its own special salary self!

lol at the pangolo reference

Onada said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Mari said...

lmao, I would have bursted out in laughter if I was there. Its not a new thing, naija people and titles. They are the only ones who carry ten titles with their names.

One of our clients, naija obviously, corrected me over the phone that he was Dr. X and not Mr. X. I find out later that he wasnt even a doctor. He had a PhD. Na wa ooo, so because of PhD, he got offended?

Good luck with the MCAT, future Dr. Bijouxoxo.

Cherub (former Bijouxoxo) said...

Thank you Mari. Yep! That's me Dr. Bijouxoxo M.D, FACOG, DDN, PPP, XXX,TTT et. al

yemisi. said...

best of luck with the mcats. remember, practice lots of questions.

Cherub (former Bijouxoxo) said...

Thanks, Yemisi. I've been told the same thing by millions of people, so that's what i'm doing.