Sunday, August 27, 2006

When 2 elephants are doing battle, Bijouxoxo suffers.

Just got back today. Even though i spent a week and 3 days, it felt like i was gone for months. Everytime i go to see my family, it's always one drama or the next. My grandmum has 10 kids, out of which 6 are in the U.S. and 1 is in London. There are 6 girls in the family, which may be the reason why there's always drama. Anyways, my London Aunt (LA) accused me of being selfish 'cos according to her, my grandparents (grans) have been around for almost 4 months and i couldn't come to take care of them. She's forgetting that i'm in school and going to see my grandparents is an hour's drive from me plus i was working in the ER and the doctor's office. Anyways, i let that slide 'cos i knew it wasn't true and trying to explain the situation of things to her, would be like pouring water in a basket. My plan, was to go spend time with my grans for 2 weeks after my job's over.

Anyways, during this time, my 8 year old cousin had a serious asthma attack and she had to be admitted in the hospital for days. My grans, my sister, LA and I were enroute to NJ when we decided to stop by NY to say hello to the folks there. That was when my cousin's thingy started, she was gasping for air and she looked like she was gonna pass out. 'Cos of the new development, my grans decided they were no longer going to NJ and would rather stay till she gets discharged from the hospital. IMHO, i thought that was unnecessary, 'cos they would still be communicating with her via phone which they can as well do from NJ. The trip was aborted sha.

This is the beginning of the yawa (trouble). My aunt A, the kid's mom is very independent. Even though she's married, she does almost everything. About 2 years after they got married, she came to the US with her kids while her hubby was still in Nigeria. Maybe that explains why she shoulders even her hubby's responsibilities. Right from the get go, my mum saw this and warned her that if she continues this way, she wouldn't make her hubby responsible. In fairness to Mr. hubby, he's responsible in his own way, but when his wife decides to do it all, he retreats. Aunt A runs a summer camp. She slept in the hospital throughout her daughter's stay, and needed someone she trusted to oversee the affairs of the summer school especially with her employees. She asked LA to tell me to sleep over at her house so first thing in the morning, i would start with the assigned duties.

That was when all hell broke loose. LA (my Voltron) is known to be very realistic, she'll tell it as it is. She's very strict and doesn't tolerate any nonsense behavior. Aunt A's hubby, thinks she's domineering, oh well... We always hang out together whenever she's around and i think some of her attributes have rubbed off on me. LA asked Aunt A why she couldn't ask her hubby to do the things she wanted me to do that afterall, the business was for both of them and besides, they couldn't be forcing their plans on me without any regard as to what i had to do. Aunt A, tryna cover up for hubby, said hubby was working 4 nights that week and he couldn't call off work 'cos there was nobody to take up his shift. LA went on to say to Aunt A and i quote, "What responsible man goes to work and acts like nothing's up when his daughter's seriously ill." LA even said that if Bijouxoxo wasn't around, won't u look for a way to sort out ur issues. On that note, she said i wasn't going to sleep in Aunt A's house, and they should assume i wasn't around. It was a serious argument o, they even used the dreaded EF word at one point. When i saw the 3 sisters arguing, i then called my aunt O who's the gentle one aside to try to explain things from LA's point of view. This was all i said, "LA thinks that Aunt A should've thought of a back-up plan, in case of an emergency." Aunt O was pissed and went off on me (i have never seen her that angry), she even went as far as telling Aunt A what i said. That added petrol (gas) to the fire. When all i was doing was trying to be a peacemaker by playing with the same words LA used in a subtle manner. Aunt A was like i have no right whatsoever to tell her what to do, as per the back-up plan thingy. Our big mama (the big sis who's very sensitive, every little thing u say or do in her presence gets turned into one offence or the other) started rebuking me that what i said about aunt A to aunt O was waaaaaaay bigger than my mouth. I didn't say a word (which was a surprise to me) while she raved on and on. Can u believe that my not saying anything, even annoyed her further. She said i was trying to prove stubborn. If i talk, it'll cause wahala, even keeping mute is causing yawa, my bros. and sistas, which one do i do now?

This was the same big mama i was talking to last year, we were gisting o and as usual, i was gesticulating. Next thing i knew, she said i pointed my finger at her? Chei! See me see wahala o. She made a big issue out of this, even after i tried convincing her that i was just gesticulating and talking and as such i wasn't even aware of whatever stray movements my fingers made. I apologized and we were cool that day, or so i thot, only for her to start calling my mum in Nigeria to tell her, this story spread like wild fire to all the family members o, and by the time i heard the story again, it had been twisted, massacred and murdered. Since then, i've always been on my guard whenever i'm around her.

There was yawa with her again on this trip. I saw these nice pair of sandals she had and told her they looked nice (not synonymous with saying i like it). She then told me i could've it. Anyways, i thanked her. Those sandals are not even my type of shoes. The unusual shape sef would cause heads to turn in ur direction, plus they were flat shoes. When i was leaving her house, i deliberately left the sandals, 'cos i knew i wasn't going to wear them. She forgot her cell phone and asked me to go get it from her room. On getting there, the sandals were smiling at me again. I then decided to take them with me the 2nd time around 'cos i realized she may think i deliberately left the shoes she gave me and new wahala would brew. When she saw me with the shoes, she asked in the precense of her friends, "Who said u could take those shoes without asking?" I was embarrassed. I jogged her memory to let her know that she said i could've it. She then went on to say how much she bought the shoes for, plus they were Italian shoes with genuine leather soles, plus the fact that she had never worn them before and just bough an outfit to go with them. Then i said, "Mama, i can leave the shoes 'cos i wouldn't wear it in school anyways." Next thing i knew, she said i was rude. Come to think of it, u can't please people. How, where, when was i rude? If i didn't take it, wahala, now again wahala. My aunt A told me to call her to apologize, i'm like for what again? What did i do, i was only telling her my honest opinion that the shoes will be uncomfortable for me to wear all day in school and as such i could leave it if she still wanted to wear it. Omo, me i am tired of all these. I didn't call and i din't take the shoes either, not after the embarrasment.

I'm in everyone's black book now. Now i know when 2 elephants are fighting even if they want to kill themselves, i'll just do "siddon look". I'll be placating them or better still, i won't even say a word. No be me they go put for middle. Now the sister's have settled their differences, they forgot the fact that i was only trying to echo what LA was saying albeit in a subtle manner so peace would reign, now they're pouring and venting all the anger on me. It's all good. Blessed is Bijouxoxo tryna make peace by playing with angry words to make them subtle, for the yawa will gas on her head (trouble will land on her head). Before they see my face in their zones again, they'll beg me. There's so much more to write, but i'll leave it at that for now. School starts tomorrow. I feel like i've been in school forever, but by God's grace, it'll be over soon.

P.S: If my aunts see this post, they'd turn me into minced meat. So pray for me that doesn't happen. I know it may be difficult keeping track of all my aunts, sometimes i do have difficulties keeping track of all of them and their various idiosyncracies, but i've tried to make 'em easy, so bear with me.

16 comments:

SapphireAster said...

Bijou...long time no read! It was hard for me to keep track of your 1000 aunties but I managed sha. for real, there is really no pleasing them...especially our yoruba peeps. Sometimes I think the respect thing is taken too serious sometimes we even loose track of how the whole issue even started. first ..you are looking at them while they speak...next you are responding...then they have a problem when you are quiet again.
Well, there's nothing to do ...just do ur thing jejely..no side comments..nothing!...hehe...and leave the italian shoes o. lol!

Belle said...

wow...nigerians and the "respect" factor. Pele oo..don't mind them. I think it IS a good idea to pull back for a min.
You never mentioned whether or not you ended up running the biz or not in the end?

Miguel said...

Bijou Bijou oooo ..they won't kill you... my dear all I can tell you is ..Be glad you have aunties that care enough to yell at you (whether right or wrong) ...some wish they had at least one!

Vera Ezimora said...

Kokore Ewa, pele my sista. Saw your comment on my blog; I'm goin 2 update it right now and xplain myself. I feel bad 4 u sha... I know how it feels. I have aunts too. Each one (includin my mom sef) all have way tooooo much drama attached 2 them. Pele ehn, take am easy

NaijaBloke said...

Hahaha Bijouxoxo ..abajo wey u gentle and no blog for sometime.I no no say some ppl dey we fit make u gentle ..

Abt ur aunts,me sef get plenty aunts too and na dem make me realize say when women dan plenty for where u dey especially old women,just talk to ya 2 legs and run like say 2moro no dey.

Men I fear for midnite gister or ur BF o,cos I dey try imagine the kain interview all this ur aunts go give the guy when u decide to introduce him to ya family.

Cherub (former Bijouxoxo) said...

@SA: Before nko, i left the shoes. On top of all that embarrassment, i couldn't bring myself to accept the shoes again.

@Belle: That respect thing gets annoying sometimes. Funny thing is that at work, kids call 'em by their first name o. I didn't go to the summer camp that day, but i helped out the next day.

@Miguel: Abegi, dat one wey u dey yarn na tori for tortoise. They cause yawa at every family gathering. If na u dey wish u had aunties, i can loan u mine o.

@Verastic: I know about ur aunts and their drama, even ur uncle that came from Naija with his 100 pikins u always babysit. I'm waiting for the update on ur blog. Since when did Vera get BF wey we know hear about?

@NB: Infact ehn, dey no only make me gentle, i was pissed off to no end. If u sabi my aunties ehn, dey fit make even the toughest of 'em gentle with dem wahala. They won't know anything about midnite gister or my BF until God-knows-ehn if not, na tori of wetin e do, or no do dey go use chase am away.

Anonymous said...

HEHEHHEHEHHE.....this post was too dramatic....when are we going to start shooting part 2 of the video [lol...I want to say by God's Grace there won't be a part 2....but your aunties are human, I don't know if they will pass up the opportunity to even shoot part 3...hopefully you won't be the starring actress ;) ]

TaureanMinx said...

Lol @ Miguel, they can have some of mine too. I know what you mean bijou, I wonder if they come close to the aunts I have. It'll all be forgotten soon, when another neice does something 'terrible'

DiAmOnD hawk said...

BXO...I am so feeling you on this post...Nothing you do seems right...please take a much needed break from you aunts...families are nice...but they could be nicer if you keep them at arms length

once, a cousin accused me of doing something. And where did I hear it? From my mom in Nigeria...my cousin woke me up in the middle of the night that I had a phone call...apparently one she initiated...that's how my mom started telling me things I'd been accused of...

Nneka's World said...

Pele my dear!

Thank lord your posting, i thought you went awol

Vera Ezimora said...

Bijouxoxo, I don post the Naija Fest pictures oh. No come say I dey do you 419.

The Life of a Stranger called me said...

I fully understand how feel. Both parents have far too many sisters. This also reminds me of the mess I found myself in this summer. Its no joke trying to please either. I only visit when they invite me (serious begging involved), but seriously, they confide in us like adults, but at the same time treat us like children claiming we are not old enough to talk when the adults are talking.

It is true, we are in a loose loose situation.

Onada said...

nawa for all the drama this past weekend!!! I hope your little cousin is feeling much better!
lol @anonymous and shooting part two of the video!

temmy said...

KokoroEWa mi atata!. Whats up now? Update ya blog abeg!!!!

lata said...

Hmmm. A bit of what I'm feeling now. But in my case, I'm one of the sisters and my nieces are not involved. As the only unmarried one, everyone wants to be up in my business and want every detail about my relationship issues so they can disect and criticise and since I decide to confide in only one sis, the others who are much older are forming an alliance with my mum and making me upset at all times. Sometimes, I feel like running away from all of them. But they are "family". I even have a cold war going on with my sis I live with who says I never let her know what is happening with me. I'm counting it all joy as part of my travails of being single.

Anonymous said...

Hi there, I have read your blog and you have a very good post and blog. I certainly agree with your blog articles or should I say issue you are discussing. In fact, you should add more articles with regards to your subject more often so that I can come visiting to your blog. How often do you find new and research stuff? Are there any opportunities that I can contribute to your blog. I believe other blog readers would love to read more related stuff. This way, your PR rank for this blog will raise if more visitors are coming. Keep up the good work! Eddy. Get your Early Symptoms Of Asthma Report Now! and get your health back fast!