Monday, September 25, 2006

It's a trad affair

I tell u my peeps i admit that i'm a certified dry girl. Nothing major has happened to me lately, but i need to update my blog so it doesn't seem like i abandoned it. Anyways, shey i told u guys about this research project my friend and i are working on. Our goal is to present it at that big conference in April where all schools in my zone would be represented. We chose a topic to work on, got the necessary approvals, checked all online resource to make sure nobody had done the exact same thing we planned on doing, only for the professor supervising us to bring an article last week that was published in August, where this guy did the same thing we planned on doing. I was pissed. C'mon after we had planned, strategized and done everything, even started running trial experiments. All hope's not lost, we decided to go on with the study, but we're going to modify it. He made suggestions on further research that needed to be done, so we'll start from there. At least, it'll make our job a little easier, when we see what worked for him and what didn't.

I decided to quit being faceless on blogger, so i uploaded my lips, cheeks and nose onto my profile. I hope more people would follow my lead sha. I was thinking to myself, after the upload that the pix sort of reveals who i am, even though my eyes can't be seen. I hope i'm not nabbed by someone who knows me, especially those i wrote about in my previous posts. I decided to rock my trads (traditional attire) to church yesterday. I was looking FIERCE. Like one madam the madam. I haven't worn "iro" n "buba" (wrapper and top) in over a year. You guys should have seen the damask gele (head tie) the way i tied it ehn, it was just too bunz. I just pity the person i sat infront of at church. My satellite dish must have blocked his (infact their) view silly. Funny thing is that i was sitting right in the front row, so my gele was seen very well. If u guys need me to hook u up with gele tying skills, i'm not as expensive as u may think. I can tie it, put it in a box and FEDEX it to you for a small amount. I must give credit to my mum. As in that woman can throw down when it comes to tying gele. She taught my sister and i the strategy. There's a particular way u have to position ur hands inorder to get the desired effect. Guess what? I didn't even use any pins to hold the gele in place. The damask was as hard, crispy and crunchy as anything u can imagine, 'cos it was still new. Needless to say, i was praying the gele shouldn't fall off my head in church, 'cos their was this alakoba (troublesome) kid sitting behind me that was in awe of my gele, he even had the audacity to touch it, by the time i gave him the look, his momma called him to order fast. Thank God it didn't fall of my head.

How about i went shadowing today, and this lady that brought her daughter in, was looking at me funny. Eventually when the doc. introduced me to her, she was like i look like i'm a teenager about 17/18 years old, more like a high schooler. That just made my day, i don't look my age, how nice. It's good genes o my people. She went on to spoil it though by saying that if she comes for treatment, and i'm the doctor assigned to attend to her, she'd be like can u please get me another physician, this one looks too young to know what she's doing. I'm like what the heck? Funny thing, is that some people do that nonsense in hospitals, especially if u're a young, black female. Bringing their stereotypical behind to the hospital. How stupid? Do the know the amount of training u've been through? How u endured the rigors of med. school and all? Only for you to finally become a doc. and all they can do is yarn dust about how u look with their ignorant buccal cavity. It's not as if i'm even one small shrimp like that o. I weigh 133 lbs and i'm 5'6'' tall and i even wear a size 4 and sometimes 6 on a good day. They're just jealous.

Anyways, lemme leave that ignoramus (ignorant person) side alone. In all circumstances, we should be thankful o. How about i met this girl who is 16 and has no breasties (flat chest), not started her period, nothing. She has stunted growth. I remember my cousin always complaining about the size of her breasties. She wears a size 36B, or is it even 34A, i can't remember. Anyways, she was always whining about having nothing 'cos she was 26 at the time. At least, she should be thankful for the little she has, what of this young girl, that's undergoing several treatment just for the thing to grow nko? For those of u out there, be thankful for what u have, be it big or little. Remember some people have none.

How can i forget to gist u guys? How can? I almost suffocated in my own fart on Saturday night. If not for God, i wonder where Bijouxoxo would've been today. You too, think about it, how sadly funny would it be, if they ask what happened, only for u to hear she suffocated in her fart while sleeping? It all started when i cooked beans on Saturday. I made my pepper sauce seperately with palmoil (red oil), added all necessary condiments and seasoning, even added shredded smoked turkey, ground crayfish, then i mixed the sauce with the already cooked beans. My beans was banging, as in i really threw down. Infact, i should've taken a pix to put up here. I hope my family members haven't finished it sha, so that i can take a pix of it for y'all to see. Anyways, i ate 2 small bowls before leaving the house. How about every 10 minutes, u could hear a "pourooooooooooom" sound. The thing was stinking like crazy, it got so bad at a point, that i had to cover my nose from my own fart. Sad, really sad.

I had to force myself to offload before going to church on Sunday, if not, the pastor would've called me out for special deliverance. There was no way u could do it silently, u know the silent but deadly ones, yes... i know u do, so stop fronting like u've not perfected the art of the "silent, but deadly" style of farting. Anyways, i haven't had beans since that day and i'm craving for beans tonite. I think 'cos it's been long since i ate beans cooked that way, that i've forgotten the magic it works on my system. I love beans, i can't live without eating beans for real. No matter how bad i fart, i'd still eat beans. So why does beans do this to most people? When i eat akara, made from beans i'm fine, moin-moin, i'm fine but when it comes to plain beans, u're asking for trouble. Does anyone have an answer to that?

My ardent readers, (u know urselves) i crack myself up sha, see i've updated my blog for ur reading pleasure. Enjoy. Till i come ur way again laoded with gist as usual, hopefully before next Monday, have a wonderfully blessed week.

27 comments:

ABBEY said...

miss bijoux...wassup, u say ur dry but u wrote half a page ehn? anyways...as per boobs meem...let everyone know that small boobs are the in thing lol(note: NOT flat chest) in a few years all big boobs will start to do is sag anyways.

and as per beans...i thot all forms of beans caused gas, i found this site about it.

http://www.discovery.com/area/skinnyon/skinnyon970815/skinnyon.html

SapphireAster said...

haha...the girl do fart for the whole of Xoxoland! You know it is bad when you are choking from your own gas. I saw ur gele pics o..na wa o. I just got damask that my mom sent. This is my first damask o..I still dont know where I will wear it to! Its great to know that You are always there for me when it comes to gele-tying.

temmy said...

You killed me!!
Choking on your own fart. I thot i was the only one suffering from that syndrome ni o. When i fart, i fart real nasty(yuck,infact, a double one). I had beans and rice on sunday nite,throughout yesterday at work, i just dey release bomb attack on my colleagues.

Trust me o, i kept a straight face!

LondonBuki said...

LOL!!! When you were eating the beans, you did not know!!! Thank God you are alive... LOL!!! LOL @ Temmy!!!

@Abbey Please don't depress me oh. It's not my fault I have big boobs now you are reminding me they're gonna sag :-(

LOL @ Satellite Dish!!! Me I don't know how to tie gele to save my life.

Yeah, I noticed you put up a pic of half your face... Maybe one day I will change the pic of my belly on my blog to my eyes... small by small.

Have a Blessed week!!!

The Life of a Stranger called me said...

How can you start up with being dry,- First of all, just because some one has published what you had planned to do, you can build on their work and find something new. I am glad you did not desert all the effort you had put in it. Science is all about pushing barriers forward and building on.

I hope you took some pic of the serious outfit you thre down, it would have been nice to see. Pls teach me the method of tying gele. I want to learn. The whole positions the entire works.

But xoxo - its true with all that beans effect. There was once a collegue of mine whose wife cooked beans for him to take to work, needless for me to tell you the consequence of such action. But fine girl like you, no feel shame to talk about it. You've given me courage to laugh at myself.

Love the blog.

Teva said...

Madam...sofri sofri dey do am o! Haba...that your fart but hav attained the highest international maturity standards....Na you biko!
Nice blog....hope your science conference thing works out fine!

Cherub (former Bijouxoxo) said...

@Abbey: I need to go read up on the beans stuff. Seeing as i cannot do without eating beans, lemme see if they've precautionary measures against deadly fart.
U're talking like u no sabi, what do we have "costay/ koste" for? Is it koste onirin (bra with metal cup) or koste onike (bra with plastic cup) u need to lift it up?

@SAFAAYAH: U've brought ur free a** here again? U'll have to pay for me to hook u up with gele tying skills o. Don't worry i'll give u "ose iwo ni price" (because i know u price).

@Temmy: I now know why u're my big sis. on blogger. I just knew we had something in common. Sha don't kill them at work.

@LB: Help me shout 7 big hallelujahs. If not for divine intervention, there'd be no Xoxo. Buki, there's no need to be sad. That's why they invented koste. Which one do u prefer, onirin or onike? Tying gele is really easy, once u position ur hands the right way, there are different techniques. Have a blessed week too, Buki omo mummy.

@TLOASCM: I even heard that there's no harm in working on what someone has already worked on. Good thing is there were some variables he didn't look at, so we're targeting thae effects those things would've on the animals. It's not easy to teach someone online u know? We all need to find humor in some of the silly things we do, sometimes. Don't be deceived o the fine Sisi's are the ones that release the deadliest of missiles.

@Teva: Be pretending like u no dey shit. I'm sure people like u are worse sef. Thanks i've no doubt the conference thingy would be fine.

DiAmOnD hawk said...

Bijou...girl you are a TRIP for real...

satellite dish...if you were in front of me i would have asked you to move o...or to retie it in such a way it doesnt block any one's view...lol

NaijaBloke said...

I cant even laff sef .. Ms Kokoro Ewa ..well at least u lived up to ya name ..

Omo thats how one of my friend gave me a gist o.He stays in New york and he said he entered a Molue ..for real there r molue in Brooklyn and they even have conductors that shout the names of areas they r going to o.Anyway there wer 2 yoruba guys at the back of the molue and one of the guys was saying in yoruba that men if he farts in this molue,everybody will probably jump out cos he just had a whole bowl of baddass beans o.My friend said like 30seconds after he said that he just started smelling this egg rotten smell and he could not contain himslef and had to shout on the guy abt talking of farting and actually did.He said the guy was just begging him in yoruba o.LOL

Life through rose-tinted glasses said...

rflmao girl this was too funny as in how do u come up with these things. i come to ur blog like on the daily but ave never left a comment. love ur blog like mad and ur so funny

Endi said...

Its Ok that at least ur lips shows now.It really confirmed that you like beans.But i dont know if the ones u eat are from back home...i dey talk bcos i dey hear rumours of "killer Beans".Love ur blog.Enjoy

Dipo Tepede said...

What can I say?

Bijou, I can pictue u already. I already know your real name and now your face. Well, all the mystery is gone - though the mystery kept me wondering and wondering. You said you were dry and I consumed your post without batting an eye. You are a very good writer!

@ NB

I laughed and laughed and laughed.
You must be very funny. Everybody in the office is just staring at me; I dont know if I should share ur joke.........

Anonymous said...

tifuyakwa!!!

DiAmOnD hawk said...

u mean her name isnt Bijou?
*SHOCKED*

Cherub (former Bijouxoxo) said...

YEEEEPAAAAAARRRRRRIIIIIPPPPPPAAAAA!Looks like i've been nabbed big tyme. My cover don blow. But talk true Oga Dipo, do u know my real name? I don't think i know u though. Oya tell me my initials?

@Diamond: To retie my gele ke? You think i would've answered u? What's the point of having a satellite dish if it doesn't block anyone's view, u tell me?

@NB: If i'm the one also, i'd yell at him, even in English sef. I can only imagine, considering how enclosed and crowded those NY buses are?

@Life through rose tinted glasses: I don't bite, c'mon. Be leaving comments, that's what keeps me going ya know, reading ur juicy comments and i try to respond to each comment. I thot 'twas gonna be a dry post sha.

@Endi: Killer beans ke? For where? The ones i made were the GOYA black eye peas. I've run out of Naija beans.

@Diamond: See what u caused nau? It's all ur fault that i was nabbed, yes and i'm blaming it on u.

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

How about every 10 minutes, u could hear a "pourooooooooooom" sound. The thing was stinking like crazy, it got so bad at a point, that i had to cover my nose from my own fart. Sad, really sad... lmao... this is just tooo funny for me cos i was just reading someone else's blog a few minutes ago and it had a lot to do with farting... so i'm just wondering if that was the blog topic of the week... lol...

i've almost eliminated beans from my diet sha cos I don't even like it that much except its mixed with rice... but I guess thats just me

ur just too funny 4real... luv ur blog

Miguel said...

hard, crispy and crunchy..na head tie be that or plantain chips?

Cherub (former Bijouxoxo) said...

@ONB: You really don't know what u're missing. How can u think of almost eliminating beans from ur diet? No wonder u're a shorty. I'm sure u're not very tall.

@Miguel: You don't understand. Go and check out ur mumsy/ ur sister/ any of ur lady friend's damask or head tie to see whether my description holds true or not.

Vera Ezimora said...

Girl, to be honest with you ehn, the first time I read your profile, I was thinking, "damn, this girl must fart a lot!" I guess I was right sha. Hahahahaha.

Anthony Arojojoye said...

The simple fact that your nickname is Kokoro ewa will cause me to integrate your blog into mine.

Nice blog.

ChiefO said...

kokoro ewa AKA beans-bug. oruko lon ro e ko yi

Dipo Tepede said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Cherub (former Bijouxoxo) said...

Chei! Oga Dipo but i still don't think i know u. Wait o, e-mail me please this suspense is killing me. U're partially right.

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

lmao.. bijou i'm 5 ft 11 oh.. if i eat anymore beans and grow any taller... then I'll be taller than my boyfriend oh.. lol

Biodun said...

Let us see ur face completely now, lol dont mind me, I am not a fan of beans, it was forced on me as a kid, so I never recovered, I love moi moi though, we need updates o!

K.O. said...

i go die oh!!! om my God! Oh My God!! oh my GOD!!!

someone please call 911!!!

Uzo said...

Oh my word. Totally hilarious. I hate beans but i can make some pretty good stuff. It causes gas big time. So unladylike. LOL

The gele thing: I need help oh. I dont even bother anymore since my mom vowed to stop helping me.

Such a fun blog...